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I had bloody hands when I came back home. Luckily, my brother was already sleeping.

Quietly, I went towards the toilet. I tried washing my hands with soap and water, after a few minutes, I was able to eliminate even the small traces of blood that had been embedded under the nails. Relieved, I looked at myself in the mirror. My whole face was beaded with sweat from the effort and nerves, fortunately, the worst was over.

Suddenly, a noise by the door startled me. Immediately, I put my hand into my pocket looking for the penknife. I was completly paralyzed when I saw my little brother:

—Gabby, how long until you finish? —he asked me with a sleepy voice while rubbing his eyes.

I felt how the air was returning to my lungs: apparently he didn’t see the blood.

—Not much —answered to him —. I’m going to bed right now and you should do the same.

—Ok, but I wanna have a pee.

—Alright then. Hurry up. I’m waiting for you outside.

—You’re taking me to the amusement park tomorrow as you promised, aren’ t you? —he said to me while I was covering him with the blanket.

—Of course, Abel. I never break my promises.

—Alex is coming too, isn’t he?

I turned around before he could see the expression on my face.

—Yes, Abel. Now go to sleep.

When I closed the door, I sat on the floor and layed my hands on my face, trying to stop the choking sensation that came to my chest. I haven’t been able to tell him that Alex is dead. How do you tell a seven years old kid that his old brother had to kill his best friend?

It wasn’t my fault, he pounced on me like crazy, it was his life or mine…

I can’t keep writing anymore, today’s memory is tormenting me. I wish to wake up tomorrow and realize that this has only been a bad dream.
I really wish…

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Dear mom,

Where are you? When are you returning home? Can’t you possibly bring your flight back a few weeks forward? I really do not want to spoil your trip, I know that India has always been such a thrilling project for you, that any yoga and meditation fan like you must live this experience at least once in a lifetime. You were right when you said that we are selfish, that for once we had to let you do something just for yourself, something different from taking care of dad, Sara and me. But, mom, you were the one who chose to be a working mother, I have not chosen this job. I just know that I am only seventeen and will never get married or have a daughter like Sara. This has been a mess ever since you left us and I need you to come back as soon as possible, please.

I do not know how to start. One day we noticed that there were many missing classmates, even  some teachers were not coming to school, all of which was fun for us. Dad told me that many colleagues at work had been asking for a sick leave too. We thought that it could be a flu or something like that.Then  the army arrived in our village and told us to stay at home. Those improvised holidays would have not annoyed me at all, if only I had my Facebook and Tuenty so as to keep in touch with my friends, but suddenly internet was down and our cell phones and the land line were not working either. Nothing was told about this on the TV or the radio… Sara has been busy playing some zombie video game all day long and, as usual, she never picks up her things or offers any kind of help at home. I thought that I could count with dad for putting some order at home, but he is not doing well. We think that it has to do with the lentils. He had insisted on cooking our meal yesterday, okay? We did not want to discourage him by simply saying “no”, but the truth is that those lentils looked terrible. As soon as Sara saw them, she just stood up, left the dining table and returned with her zombies without saying a word. I said that I was not hungry, but stayed at the table, watching dad as he ate that soup. He did it not because he liked it but because of pride, because he had bothered cooking them with the best of intentions and had found no support from her daughters, who were so ungrateful. Well, something must have been wrong with those damn lentils because shortly after he turned pale and he has been in bed since yesterday. He does not want to hear of eating any more lentils or anything else… So despite the banning, I decided to go to the chemist’s this morning and took the chance to pay a visit to Loli, who lives close by. She told me that Luisa is organizing a party at her place for tonight, where we will be going in spite of the curfew, which is a real bore. The bad thing about Luisa’s parties is that it is usually only girls going there, but, hey, that party is definitively much better than staying at home with two zombies, right? The chemist’s happened to be closed, but Loli’s mom gave me some pink pills which should be good for any kind of health problem. Dad has already taken three of them and made me promise that I would not leave home again. I showed him my kindest look and lied to him, after which he fell asleep. I do not know, mom, but barely 16 hours have passed since the lentils and he looks pretty bad. He is very pale and I think that he may have a temperature. Maybe I should go and find a doctor, or ask some good-looking soldier for help… or perhaps I should ask Luisa for advice, as her father is a veterinarian, so he certainly knows more about these things. By the way, I will have to be on my guard when going to the party tonight because, as I was going to the chemist’s earlier today, I saw some very strange tramps in the distance, taking part in some kind of meeting in the street …I know that you say that we should not be judging people by their appearance, but the truth is that I had a very bad feeling about them.

Well, what about India? Is it really worth visiting? Don’t you miss us? Come back soon, okay? Dad has told me that the access to our village is blocked by the army, but you can explain the soldiers that this is an emergency. Because it is so.

Kisses,

Alicia.

P.S.: As I was returning home from Loli’s place, I went past the post office and I thought of writing this letter to you. I hope it will reach you some day, wherever you are.